In fact, all of my female friends comment on what a great catch I am. Women reading this may feel bad for him, yet also want to him to know that it’s not BECAUSE he’s nice that he’s not attracting women. It’s because he constantly seeks the approval of others. It’s because he sacrifices his personal power to be conciliatory. These traits sometimes come with a significant downside that is painful to acknowledge. The flip side of being charismatic is being self-centered.These are common attributes of nice guys, yet nice guys think that women don’t like nice guys BECAUSE they’re nice. Again, not EVERY person who is bright is opinionated, and not EVERY person who is funny is sarcastic.There are some meetings I can go into and run the show, and others where I have to be subordinate.
RELATED VIDEO: MSNBC’s Melissa Harris-Perry quotes this piece in her “Letter of Week” The comments and conversations surrounding hip-hop DJ Mister Cee’s sex scandal-turned-resignation has been appalling, and has led me to this essay, which isn’t about him soliciting sex from someone he perceived as a trans woman. If a young trans woman believes that the only way she can share intimate space with a man is through secret hookups, bootycalls or transaction, she will be led to engage in risky sexual behaviors that make her more vulnerable to criminalization, disease and violence; she will be led to coddle a man who takes out his frustrations about his sexuality on her with his fists; she will be led to question whether she’s worthy enough to protect herself with a condom when a man tells her he loves her; she will be led to believe that she is not worthy of being seen, that being seen heightens her risk of violence therefore she must hide who she is at all costs in order to survive.
But if it also coincides with being difficult, dating might be a long, tough road for you. The trick to that is knowing how the man you’re with is perceiving you, and being able to tone down or turn off the traits he might find as reason to dump you for someone more agreeable.
I used to think this was dumbing myself down, or playing to the masses, being fake, or not true to myself.
But there’s enough anecdotal evidence to suggest a strong correlation. And if good qualities come with bad qualities, have you considered that yours might as well?
So when I hear a woman talk about how “direct” she is, the first thing I think is: “She’s tactless.” I wrote about this in an article for entitled “Are You Honest… ” Self-proclaimed “direct” people often tell their dates what they think about them even if the date didn’t ask.